my final remorse....
I am still here…. 11 days and 5 hours had gone by since we separated or should I say since he broke up with me. And I still can’t get over him. Not discounting the fact that I have a boyfriend right now, or I have no idea if he still is my boyfriend cuz I haven’t receive any attempt of communicating from him to me for the past 2 days. And that I have a couple of more flings around waiting to bloom into sex or something more than just sex.
Why am I going gaga over him? He’s not even the best looking queer I’ve ever seen. He’s tall, yes; smart, undeniably; witty, most definitely; sexy, well depends on how you define it, if you’re into helloing ribcages then you may say he is; sweet, well, not most of the time but when he tries to be so you can’t help but melt; patient, oh definitely someone who can put up with me for more than an hour deserves a Noble Peace Prize, and he only got mad at me once and he was really mad. And he said he loved me, and that up to now I’m special to him. I don’t know if he still loves me today but I’m pretty sure of one thing he no longer wants to be with me, at least in a romantic way – he wants us to be friends.
I don’t wanna be just friends. I have enough friends to fill the whole Araneta Coliseum, or at least the courtside seats. I wanna be with him. He’s the guy that I wanna woke up with each friggin’ day of my will-not-be-miserable-life if this comes true. I wanna prepare him lunch, like the first time he stayed over and hear him tell me how sweet I am and how touched he is. I want him to catch me flirting online while he pretends to be sleeping and tell me afterwards that he’s jealous and there’s no need for him to tell that and I should have known that it’s wrong. I wanna catch a movie with him again not wanting to actually get laid in the dark, but just be able to hold his hand as we watch a movie I might bash a day later. I wanna walk around the mall worried that someone may see us as he steal tickles from me. I wanna dine again in KFC that I’m so happy to be his favorite resto cuz it’s my favorite too. I wanna go back to Figaro even if I don’t drink coffee and inhale the second hand smoke that’s coming out from his Winston cigarette that I greatly despise. I wanna be able to sing for him again and him telling me how much he like it. But most of all I wanna get that chance to here him tell me how much he love me so much which so obviously ain’t comin’ down anytime soon….
Oh, how I regret being such a bitch the entire time we were together. How I regret giving him all the headaches one can possibly experience from a relationship. I regret not being understanding and supportive enough of what he wants to do and what he believes in, no matter how skewed they seem to be. I regret not always telling him how much I love him everytime we’re together, I regret cheating on him, thinking that he won’t feel jealous but knowing that he will. But most of all I regret not stopping him from splitting up with me cuz despite the fact that his mind is made-up at least I could tell myself that I tried to save it and I won’t be here crying while writing this stupid journal still hoping that he’ll call asking me to be with him again.
Why am I going gaga over him? He’s not even the best looking queer I’ve ever seen. He’s tall, yes; smart, undeniably; witty, most definitely; sexy, well depends on how you define it, if you’re into helloing ribcages then you may say he is; sweet, well, not most of the time but when he tries to be so you can’t help but melt; patient, oh definitely someone who can put up with me for more than an hour deserves a Noble Peace Prize, and he only got mad at me once and he was really mad. And he said he loved me, and that up to now I’m special to him. I don’t know if he still loves me today but I’m pretty sure of one thing he no longer wants to be with me, at least in a romantic way – he wants us to be friends.
I don’t wanna be just friends. I have enough friends to fill the whole Araneta Coliseum, or at least the courtside seats. I wanna be with him. He’s the guy that I wanna woke up with each friggin’ day of my will-not-be-miserable-life if this comes true. I wanna prepare him lunch, like the first time he stayed over and hear him tell me how sweet I am and how touched he is. I want him to catch me flirting online while he pretends to be sleeping and tell me afterwards that he’s jealous and there’s no need for him to tell that and I should have known that it’s wrong. I wanna catch a movie with him again not wanting to actually get laid in the dark, but just be able to hold his hand as we watch a movie I might bash a day later. I wanna walk around the mall worried that someone may see us as he steal tickles from me. I wanna dine again in KFC that I’m so happy to be his favorite resto cuz it’s my favorite too. I wanna go back to Figaro even if I don’t drink coffee and inhale the second hand smoke that’s coming out from his Winston cigarette that I greatly despise. I wanna be able to sing for him again and him telling me how much he like it. But most of all I wanna get that chance to here him tell me how much he love me so much which so obviously ain’t comin’ down anytime soon….
Oh, how I regret being such a bitch the entire time we were together. How I regret giving him all the headaches one can possibly experience from a relationship. I regret not being understanding and supportive enough of what he wants to do and what he believes in, no matter how skewed they seem to be. I regret not always telling him how much I love him everytime we’re together, I regret cheating on him, thinking that he won’t feel jealous but knowing that he will. But most of all I regret not stopping him from splitting up with me cuz despite the fact that his mind is made-up at least I could tell myself that I tried to save it and I won’t be here crying while writing this stupid journal still hoping that he’ll call asking me to be with him again.
posted by riddler at 11:00 PM
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