in hate--- again!!!!!!!!!
I Hate him and I Hate myself from continuously loving him. He called tonight, and he kept saying that “mahal na mahal pa niya ako”, and even forced me to say it in spite of the fact that he knows that I still love him so much. I was so happy while talking feeling that the door is finally opening, I felt that it was the right moment, it’s now or never as they say it, so I asked him about us getting back together and all he can say was “Sorry bhe, di ko talaga kayang magcommit eh” and the next thing you know he’s hanging up on me. I HATE HIM but I love him so much.
God, I feel awful right now and what makes it harder is the fact that I can’t cry it out. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just so mad. I wanna cry, it feels better when it comes out of me. I can’t tell him how much I hate him cuz I don’t want him out of my life, how I wanted to tell him to just stop from telling me how much he loves me and then afterwards say that he’s not ready to commit but I can’t cuz even if it hurts, it’ll hurt more not knowing that he still loves me.
Why can’t he not realize that right now is the easiest time for us to commit, cuz he’s working and I’m studying and we’ll be too busy to flirt around with anybody else. I think it’s not that he can’t commit but he can’t get himself to stop from sleeping with somebody else. I know I ain’t good enough, I’ve always been inadequate in everything (whoah finally I’m crying again!!!!) but can’t he just at least give us one more chance? I have learned my lesson, and I swore I’d never be the bitch that I was before and I’d stop fooling around, but I still think it’s not really me, I’m even starting to think that I can allow him to sleep around with others even if we’re still together as long as it’s still me.
God, awhile ago, I was telling how I pity myself so much and this shit must stop right now. It ain’t going anywhere good especially for me. Maawa naman ako sa sarili ko, taena!!!!! I really wanna stop this madness, how can I not realize that it’s going nowhere but to my destruction. God, I love him so much, but I hate him as much. I just hope he’ll change his mind soon. I think, if it’s his ex who’s asking him to get back with him he’ll do it in a snap, I guess he just really don’t love me…. So cmon wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, I feel awful right now and what makes it harder is the fact that I can’t cry it out. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just so mad. I wanna cry, it feels better when it comes out of me. I can’t tell him how much I hate him cuz I don’t want him out of my life, how I wanted to tell him to just stop from telling me how much he loves me and then afterwards say that he’s not ready to commit but I can’t cuz even if it hurts, it’ll hurt more not knowing that he still loves me.
Why can’t he not realize that right now is the easiest time for us to commit, cuz he’s working and I’m studying and we’ll be too busy to flirt around with anybody else. I think it’s not that he can’t commit but he can’t get himself to stop from sleeping with somebody else. I know I ain’t good enough, I’ve always been inadequate in everything (whoah finally I’m crying again!!!!) but can’t he just at least give us one more chance? I have learned my lesson, and I swore I’d never be the bitch that I was before and I’d stop fooling around, but I still think it’s not really me, I’m even starting to think that I can allow him to sleep around with others even if we’re still together as long as it’s still me.
God, awhile ago, I was telling how I pity myself so much and this shit must stop right now. It ain’t going anywhere good especially for me. Maawa naman ako sa sarili ko, taena!!!!! I really wanna stop this madness, how can I not realize that it’s going nowhere but to my destruction. God, I love him so much, but I hate him as much. I just hope he’ll change his mind soon. I think, if it’s his ex who’s asking him to get back with him he’ll do it in a snap, I guess he just really don’t love me…. So cmon wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by riddler at 10:11 AM
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