Rejected again and again and again......
Well, you might be wondering why I suddenly changed my mind, there must be some driving force cuz I somewhat look completely determined, well, there was. It was Yajra.
We met yesterday, I completely prepared for this one, I even cleaned my roon for him, he’s staying for the night and in case we decide to do it, I want it to be special. So I went to our meeting place, he was a little late and there I saw him, at first, I was a little disapponited cuz he had uite a few pimples, but since he told me to not expect that much, I didn’t. Contrary to popular belief I’m not superficial, when I established a relationship with someone, I no longer what the hell they look like. It’s not that important as long as if they give me their photo and it is really them, that’s fine with me.
And so we walked around that stupid mall, he was actually cuter in person, and he kinda have most of the things I’m looking for. The height, he’s about 5’5 not that tall. He’s white. That’s basically it. We walked around and I though everything was going fine until I heard him say “pinapauwi ako ng kuya ko at pinsan ko emergency daw” ( my brother and cousin told me to go home there’s an emergency”. My face went numb, I didn’t know how to react. I’m smelling it again--- rejection coming to get me. But I acted cool, I mean, I don’t think he’s the type who’ll do that, when we were to separate he even told me that he’ll go back and try to get to myself by himself. So my doubts that he might not like me faded away. Until I texted him, telling him in a form of joke that if he don’t like me just tell me so I won’t look dumb, and he did reply saying that he’s sorry, and he just expected too much. I went numb. Pain was all over me. How can he say that? I asked of him, I layed down all my cards before we met up and he made it very clear that he’s not superficial. I told him I expected nothing from him but for him not to be superficial. And he was.
So instead of going straight here, I went to my parents place. On my way there, I almost couldn’t hold my tears, I rushed inside went to my mom’s room and cried and cried and cried. God, I really wanna die that moment. Just be nothing for awhile. I was suicidal again this time I’m dead serious, but then I saw my mom, I couldn’t do it. I just can’t. I could die in pain but not my mom. So I just went home, and hear I cried and cried again. I really looked fr someone to talk to cuz I might do something. So I went chatting and thank god I found someone to talk to.
I think I’m not primarily hurt by what happened, and it’s not about brew either. It was me feeling like shit. Like I’m so ugly and useless and totally unlovable. Am I? I think I am. Why would one not be interested with me if I’m cute. I really feel like I’m worthless. And I think that’s one of the reason why I keep on loving Christian cuz despite of the fat that he kept on hurting me, he’s the only who loves me, or so he say. I feel like he was the only one who was able to appreciate me. If you’re reading this.. I love you…
One of the people who made me smile after a one-hour marathon of tears was Kim. He’s one of the bobongers and she told me that I’m actually the most gorgeous guy she ever met. I smiled upon hearing that. I think she was also the one who told me I’m an ultimate catch. Man, she does know how to make me feel better. One of my classmates whom I texted came over totally worried about me, and I cried while telling her what happened, I guess she was not use to me crying cuz I’m the ever strong confident me. She asked me where the confident Riddler she knows? I told her I’ve always been weak, despite of the fact that I may look very happy outside I was always miserable. Three months ago, I was not like this I may not be happy but at least I don’t cry this much. But eversince we broke up, I’ve been crying a lot. Feeling more depressed than I’ve ever been, and feeling the most miserable.
Hai, I want to say more but I’m in so much hurry , I decided to go to Laguna. Sam will be paying half of my expenses. I need good people to be with. Hai…
Anyways before I go, brew, if you’re reading this, just want you to know, that it was tough to do that 14-day crap, I can’t let you go, not at the moment, I’ll still be waitin’, in case you change your mind, I’ll still be here… I’ll keep on holdin’ on… and if the time comes which I doubt will ever come) don’t be afraid to ask or tell me, in case I don’t wanna be with you again, give me that luxury this time to say no (which I doubt I’ll ever have the chance to do). I love you…………
We met yesterday, I completely prepared for this one, I even cleaned my roon for him, he’s staying for the night and in case we decide to do it, I want it to be special. So I went to our meeting place, he was a little late and there I saw him, at first, I was a little disapponited cuz he had uite a few pimples, but since he told me to not expect that much, I didn’t. Contrary to popular belief I’m not superficial, when I established a relationship with someone, I no longer what the hell they look like. It’s not that important as long as if they give me their photo and it is really them, that’s fine with me.
And so we walked around that stupid mall, he was actually cuter in person, and he kinda have most of the things I’m looking for. The height, he’s about 5’5 not that tall. He’s white. That’s basically it. We walked around and I though everything was going fine until I heard him say “pinapauwi ako ng kuya ko at pinsan ko emergency daw” ( my brother and cousin told me to go home there’s an emergency”. My face went numb, I didn’t know how to react. I’m smelling it again--- rejection coming to get me. But I acted cool, I mean, I don’t think he’s the type who’ll do that, when we were to separate he even told me that he’ll go back and try to get to myself by himself. So my doubts that he might not like me faded away. Until I texted him, telling him in a form of joke that if he don’t like me just tell me so I won’t look dumb, and he did reply saying that he’s sorry, and he just expected too much. I went numb. Pain was all over me. How can he say that? I asked of him, I layed down all my cards before we met up and he made it very clear that he’s not superficial. I told him I expected nothing from him but for him not to be superficial. And he was.
So instead of going straight here, I went to my parents place. On my way there, I almost couldn’t hold my tears, I rushed inside went to my mom’s room and cried and cried and cried. God, I really wanna die that moment. Just be nothing for awhile. I was suicidal again this time I’m dead serious, but then I saw my mom, I couldn’t do it. I just can’t. I could die in pain but not my mom. So I just went home, and hear I cried and cried again. I really looked fr someone to talk to cuz I might do something. So I went chatting and thank god I found someone to talk to.
I think I’m not primarily hurt by what happened, and it’s not about brew either. It was me feeling like shit. Like I’m so ugly and useless and totally unlovable. Am I? I think I am. Why would one not be interested with me if I’m cute. I really feel like I’m worthless. And I think that’s one of the reason why I keep on loving Christian cuz despite of the fat that he kept on hurting me, he’s the only who loves me, or so he say. I feel like he was the only one who was able to appreciate me. If you’re reading this.. I love you…
One of the people who made me smile after a one-hour marathon of tears was Kim. He’s one of the bobongers and she told me that I’m actually the most gorgeous guy she ever met. I smiled upon hearing that. I think she was also the one who told me I’m an ultimate catch. Man, she does know how to make me feel better. One of my classmates whom I texted came over totally worried about me, and I cried while telling her what happened, I guess she was not use to me crying cuz I’m the ever strong confident me. She asked me where the confident Riddler she knows? I told her I’ve always been weak, despite of the fact that I may look very happy outside I was always miserable. Three months ago, I was not like this I may not be happy but at least I don’t cry this much. But eversince we broke up, I’ve been crying a lot. Feeling more depressed than I’ve ever been, and feeling the most miserable.
Hai, I want to say more but I’m in so much hurry , I decided to go to Laguna. Sam will be paying half of my expenses. I need good people to be with. Hai…
Anyways before I go, brew, if you’re reading this, just want you to know, that it was tough to do that 14-day crap, I can’t let you go, not at the moment, I’ll still be waitin’, in case you change your mind, I’ll still be here… I’ll keep on holdin’ on… and if the time comes which I doubt will ever come) don’t be afraid to ask or tell me, in case I don’t wanna be with you again, give me that luxury this time to say no (which I doubt I’ll ever have the chance to do). I love you…………
posted by riddler at 10:08 AM
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