shutting down....

Okay, so I haven’t been updating much… sorry… I’m just terribly busy… school has never been as crazy… hai… how I wish it’s summer again. A lot of things had happened and most of them are against me. Hai…

I’m thinking about shutting down this website and go back to the basics. I’ll build a blogspot based from this site’s design and compress everything I wanna write there. No more division or discrimination, all thoughts on one page. It’s gonna save me a lot of time and effort. However, due to the restrictions the society has set for me, I might end up completely abolishing this blog or at least have a change of address. We’ll see.

Hai… I can’t believe we’ve been together for a month now… time flies by so fast that I kinda wish it’ll just take me along with it. Hai… I’m so depressed and tired. Good thing somebody’s around to cheer me up, even if that means having to look stupid in my eyes. Thanks for the patience and the love. Without you, I’ve probably gone berserk by now, killing every fucked-up human being that dared to thread on my noxious soil.

Hai… I’m sleepy already… by the time I wrote this article, I still haven’t seen fantastic four and it’s been running in theaters for almost a week now. I really got not much time for myself no more. I haven’t been to video city for almost two months. What happened to the movie freak inside of me? I haven’t turned to a book junkie yet. In fact, I still haven’t read any. Am still stuck in the middle of thinking things through as to what book shall devirginize my landscaped eyes.

This time I really gotta run… I’ll be back as soon as the weather is settled at something I prefer. Oh, that’s surely gonna be soon.

Welcome to my L-I-F-E

Finally, a site of my own. Well not exactly my own domain name since I’m still using geocities but at least it’s skin and features is something partly conceptualized by yours truly. To be honest, I didn’t expect it to be quite as good as it looks, what I bore in my mind was something really simple, nothing too fancy, but thanx to the brilliance of you-know-who, and my visions came amazingly to life.

It has been a month since the last time I posted anything with regards to my fucked-up life… I just didn’t feel like sharing for the past few weeks, partly because I’ve been busier than usual. A lot of great and not so great stuff occurred. I am not that ready to spill it all for you at the moment but I will soon…

In the meantime, I wanna thank you all for coming to my humble site and hope you enjoy your stay. If you have any comments or suggestions or even requests, please leave them all at the message counters provided. You will find one in every page. Again, my sincerest thanx.

getting thinner and thinner....

Wow… I can’t believe I’m still alive

It’s been two weeks since the startling revelation. Two long weeks that I’ve been trying to tighten up my already condensed wallet. I haven’t had the chance to jump up the scale but I am sure I lost a couple of pounds. My ribs are already visible. This is the worst I’ve been. I’m near anorexic. Good thing, for the past two days, I’ve been having full dinners. The free internet connection during the wee hours of the morning makes my condition much worst. I am not having enough sleep and been up all night surfing and downloading. I was never an afternoon person, so it’s been pretty hard for me to get myself to sleep during the afternoons. Even now, I have to force siesta to myself.

Another problem that keeps making me awake, is that convergys haven’t called back yet. They called last Saturday and I missed it. The second afternoon I was not in the house and they call. They didn’t leave any message except for they’ll call again. They never did. I tried to call them back, I was far from successful. I hate it. I can’t go out cuz I keep on thinking that they’ll call but they haven’t and I guess they never will. I just hate them immensely for it. God, I hope those fucked-up people from the HR Department have their worse during the duration of my misery. Haha… that’s bound to be lengthy. Wahehe…

You-don’t-know-who and I ain’t an item and will never be an item, at least for the next few years wahehe…. We just don’t meet at the right time…. Someone feels more at a time and someone feels less… at least that’s how I look at it. But I think it’s for the better, remember when I said I wanna disclose something well, that’s it. I don’t wanna get into a relationship with him after a much “weird” encounter…. I hope we do stay friends… I do enjoy his company a lot…

Right now, I’ve been trying to extend my horizons, a lot of offers in the air but I’m not taking any… I dunno why… maybe I just can’t think straight… haha… that’s funny… that’s the last thing I need to do in evaluating these offers…think straight… wahehe…. I’m not ready to get into a relationship yet, but not enough balls to sleep around either… man, when will I be resolute…

The craziest 5 days of my life… believe me!!!

Sat…

It started off quite well, I was able to get the phone fixed and I’m back to civilization…. And I spent the rest of the afternoon and night with you-don’t-know-who…. all things just keep getting better??? definitely NOT....

Sun….

Now, I was spending the entire day in the house, enjoying some peace and quiet when all of a sudden the phone rang and it was my aunt who lives nearby. She said, that the owner will lock up the house tomorrow because the stupid freakos living here with me ain’t paying the electricity bill which is about P5,000. In case you have no idea, we’re using a jumper for more than a month now. I was furious, I mean I’m paying my bills, and they ain’t gonna lock up my stuff… there’s no way. And this pretending-to-be-helping asshole aunt of mine suggested that they will just use my aunt’s and my allowance to pay for it. I was like what????? As if getting only P2, 500 a month (during summer) isn’t bad enough, they would have to take away my entire allowance for this month to pay for the fucking electricity, which in case you missed, I already paid for!!!!!! God damn it!!! I only had two options:

A: I decline to use my money for it and this house will be locked up with all my stuff including my PC.
B: I’ll agree to use my MAY allowance and end up with only P1,500 to spend for this whole month. What do you think I chose??? Obviously, I chose B and man, I hate it!!!! Why do I have suffer something that is entirely not my fault!!!! I’m starting to hate my fucking life more and more…

Mon…..

I was starting to accept everything that happened and decided to drop by our house. And, up to now there’s still no confirmation as to whether my money meant to buy my cellphone has arrived or is even still in existence. Then, I received an unexpected call from you-know-who… he wanted us to meet and I was skeptical at first, but I wanted to confirm something so I decided to say yes and we met a few hours later. He was so ecstatic to see me, me on the other hand, was trying to figure out as to why I decided to see this chap again. What was I really trying to figure out? Well, simple whether in fact, I am over him, completely. And guess what the answer has been??? YES!!! TOTALLY!!! And I can’t be any happier. I honestly never wanna see him again, but since I asked for his help, I guess seeing each other will be inevitable. But that’s what all it’s gonna be… SEEING.

Moving on, as I thought this day will be not as bad as the past ones, I noticed that the TV’s gone!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I received a call from my mom later that night telling me that my dad didn’t came home… I didn’t pay as much attention as I would if it’s my sister but it bothered me still on my way to dreamland….

Tues...

Because of the fucked up electricity… my PC improperly shutdown causing a sickening problem that I’ll discuss with you later.

I went home to look over my Mom, who I know will be crying all day and night for what could be nothing but a scam my Dad is trying to pull off to shy away the claimers… And as expected, my mom’s been crying a river and you know me, I have a weird way of handling tragedies, I usually laugh them off cause I simply can’t discern as to whether they are reality or merely a reverie. And the fact that my sister pulled off a cinema scene convinces me more that it’s all a trance…

My 9-yr old sister, out of nowhere, just said that she think our Dad came home and my Mom, was like, no he did not!!! But my sister kept on insisting, citing that he even kissed her forehead, and me and my other sister looked at each other, and I went “Tangina mo ka!!!” right in front of my mom. And my mom burst in tears… God damn it!!! It felt really bad having to curse your sister and then see your mom crying over some superstitious belief….
And that doesn’t end there, her stupid horoscope for that day went like this…

“Ibigay mo ang gusto ng iyong mahal! Di ba noon pa man ay nagsakripisyo ka na? Wag kang mag-alala kahit ano pang kahantungan ng inyong relasyon, mahal ka niya... magpakailanan”

("Give the one you love what he wants! Isn’t it that you’ve sacrifice before? Do not worry, whatever happens, he loves you… forever.”)

And my mom went gaga over that… I couldn’t take the blabbing so I went home… to find out that my modem ain’t working, so I called for the help of a friend to fix it. He was able to eliminate the virus and all, and make the modem run, but, somehow, this fucked up hardware just won’t function perfectly. Now it ain’t sending no data, so I ain’t receiving none at all. HA!!!! No allowance, No TV and now no Internet!!!! How do you think I’m gonna survive this kind of environment????? How???!!!

Wed...

I tried to separate myself from all the craziness of the recent days and decided to concentrate on the task ahead: passing the Convergys exam and getting hired. I was suppose to meet you-don’t-know-who, however, he was 50 minutes late, and I already left 5 minutes earlier. So I was feeling that it wasn’t gonna be such a great day, with all my stroke of luck this past few days and now, missing the only good thing going for me for awhile, I must prepare myself for an excruciating task of accepting the fact that my life sucks, and it’s just gonna keep on sucking more and more.

Luckily, I reached the Convergys building right on time, about 5 minutes before the exam. And the stupid me, failed to remember what floor I’m suppose to go to. After two humiliating trials, I finally reached the haven for the insane me. And I don’t know if fate is playing games with me, but I found someone unexpected in that room. I’m not gonna name names, cuz I may end up jeopardizing my studies.

Clue: Big Bad Pig

The test started, and I swear I was a little nervous. Fear of the unknown has always been an accomplice of mine. I finished pretty early with the first test, I remember thinking how stupid I am to not capitalize on my time well enough, but the fact that I passed made it seem okay afterwards. And want another crazy detail? Well, big bad pig, didn’t pass the first stage!!!! He’s out, like any moron who joins Game Ka na Ba thinking that Kris will give them clues by blinking. I was shocked, when the pig was bidding farewell, I didn’t bother to look, I pretended to be doing the second test and laugh loudly inside, or maybe not, I don’t remember, but I do feel like laughing right now. Waheheehe…

The second test, was a lot more enjoyable. I finished not as early though. I was still nervous for the outcome, especially since a girl in my line was sent packing. From 15 we’re down to 11, now what??? Okay, I passed, and I think there’s only 8 or 7 of us left. This last test, compared to the other exams was far easier except the aptitude test. You know me, I don’t meddle with computer stuff, so basically I kinda relied on my intuition and power of guessing.

The spelling test was such a treat, you think you know how to spell those simple words but wait when you take that exam. Okay, so I was still skeptical about the upshot, but when ms. pretty face and lovely voice (something that rarely comes in one package) told me to fill out the employment form, I was like right on cutey. I was so ashamed though, cuz it took me like 30 minutes or more to fill out a stupid form. Why? Cuz I was looking for references, I didn’t think I needed any at that point. Stupid me…

So okay, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Now I’m back to reality. I have to go home and face a family problem that makes me sick to my stomach. So I went to our house, and still no news about my dad’s whereabouts. I decided to just went here and received a call that seemingly took all my worries away. No, it’s not about my dad but it’s just the voice of that one person that makes everything seem of lesser complications than they are actually are. He just makes me forget about my sick problems and enjoy whatever it is he has to offer…. And having him in my room makes it much, much special.

Am I in love again? You bet I am!!! Which makes me worry about something that is probably best not to disclose here. Give this one to me, it still is such a vulnerable matter but I promise as soon as everything is smooth sailing, I’ll be more than glad to reveal to the 4 of you who read this. Wahehehe…

And oh, the day ended with a bang (decipher yourself), and the news that my dad’s home.

a LOT like LOVE and much, much more....

Love my title… what do you think I’m gonna talk about ha??? Well, first, I got that one from Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet’s new movie which I shamefully I cried over for when I saw the trailer maybe about a month ago while my relationship with the prince was on the rocks…. Speaking of him, never heard or read a word from him since the break-up, I am adding to my to-do-list the amputation of his carabao grammatically correct testimonial… better see it now if you wanna read it cuz I’ll be doing it soon…. I hope I don’t get to hear from him anymore, not that I am angry at him or anything, but just because I want him to move on, completely expunge me out of his life, and I don’t want any encumbrance thrown at me if something bad happens to him or if he tries to screw his life over… I ain’t capable of handling my own life surely ain’t gonna see to somebody else’s…

I just don’t learn nor listen, do I? I went at it again… the PPS title that is… but didn't make it thru the first phase… The last time, I was so nervous my voice almost didn’t come out… now I think I was a bit too confident probably even a little cocky…. I don’t know why he didn’t pick me at least for that phase. Maybe I really am just not that good enough, maybe it was a wrong choice of song and style; should have changed it to alt instead of the soul/rnb thing. Maybe I was too short for TV. Maybe I was too ugly for TV. Or maybe, just maybe, God has better plans for me---- oh fuck off!!! Not you, but me, I mean I… waheheh

I got a call from two different call centers this past week, one was Convergys, the other was ICBPI. I was suppose to have my test for the latter last Wednesday, missed it cuz of my pre-advising and I don’t really like the whole thing in the first place since it's an outbound post, riddler ain’t doing no job outside wahehe.. the former though, I’ve been waiting for, for the past two weeks or so, I wanna work there... the salary is pretty hefty and the last time I checked they hire part-time applicants… I have another one invitation here for testing but the location is way too far but we’ll see, if things don’t work out with C then I’m off to Muntinlupa… just the sound of it scares the shit out of me…

Since I touched the topic of pre-advising, I am enrolled already and it wasn’t a walk in the park… it pissed me to my very core… however, compared to others, I was quite lucky… and before I end this, I just wanna say that I am not with anybody at the moment… if I am… it will be all over this blog… I don’t feel the urge of committing soon, or the necessity of it but I have my eyes on somebody, not entirely sure if he (yes, a he!) is up for it as well but I sure hope so… we’ll see… we’ll see…

And last but not the least, I have a new phone, well technically it’s not mine yet since I only borrowed it from my ex-girlfriend but since I am going to be the one who’ll get it fixed, I’ll probably ask for sole permanent custody of this baby… I hope she says yes, I miss her… FYI: she’s the greatest love of my life…. I was in love with that girl for 5 years…. Would love to love her but somehow I think it’s something I just have to let go, which by the way I already did way back, so why am I pondering about it again???

Idol sucks—just wanted to let that one out…..

Mental Status: surprisingly normal
Libido Meter: dozed off
Emo Level: weird...
Quote: “the best thing going for you is your ability to humiliate yourself”
Voca worda: seethe– to be in a state of internal and especially mental agitation etc.

breaking up is not so hard to do...

A new pontiff has been selected and my summer sucks…

Nice segway ei??? Man, okie I know I sound like a broken plaque (sirang plaka… just kiddin’), but I really wanna get a job but I just don’t have the balls to apply alone!!! Grrr!!! And having no cellphone and all, makes it much more difficult for me. I hate this. I really do. I feel so frustrated… my entire days have been a sick routine of waking up, eating, watching and sleeping. I hate it. I’m even starting to get sick of writing my movie reviews and I can’t jumpstart the revision of my blog… I hate it…. I’d better start doing it since I don’t expect any help from Brew soon (I hope he’s happy now that I mentioned his name and I even linked it, but I ain’t gonna visit it, don’t push your luck wahehe)…

We spoke a couple of days ago… I think he’s pissed… I’ve been trying to demoralize him and contrary to popular belief, it worked. Well, at least I though it did. But knowing Brew, he’ll be out in the e-street like a putrid whore who have nothing else to do. However, unlike them, he don’t do it to feed his tummy, but to feed his unexplainable apprehension the only way he knows how.

I still hate him if that’s what you wanna ask. And I ‘m pretty sure I don’t love him anymore. All that I feel for him now is resentment, for being the sick liar that he is who happens to be the first guy who screwed me over (figuratively). Haha, if he’s reading this he’s probably in a moment of incense, trying to think of a way to get even with me. It’s alright Brew, it’s all good, I’m just expressing my rage against this iniquitous world who favors the reprobate more than the naive.

But for old time’s sake (I can’t believe I actually said this..) can you please help me redo my blog???? Please???!!!! (..and this one too…)

Oh… Breaking NEWS!!!!

ANWAR is gone and we BROKE UP!!!! … such news of equal importance…

Okay, I know you’re more interested with the latter but just in case you wanna know something abut the former just give it a click. Moving on, well, yeah, and the funny thing is, I was so depress about the elimination of Anwar, that when prince called (yup, another telephone break-up! god, this is so 90’s, is email still the legit thing?) I just didn’t care I mean, it was a less than a 5-minute conversation with me almost responding with all mmms… and ohhs…. I was so ready for this one I guess, I’ve been waiting for it for a very long time and I finally got it, in fact, it’s a little late but it’s good yah’ll….

His voice was so funny, I can sense the anger in his tone… we broke up cuz he said I’ve been pressuring him to sleep with me…. Ha??!!! Dah???!!!! I’ve been trying to get him into bed since the first time we met. He just kept on resisting just before we start to get into the juicy stuff (sorry, if it’s a little graphic for some). I’d stop there before I share something I’ll regret revealing later on…. He said we’ll just end up bickering over the same issue… Well, I was planning to until I get what I want… I’ve been celibate for the past 4 months for Pete’s sake, since we’ve been together…. The boi (me) desperately needs some action, and that’s what he’s supposed to be (partially) for but he just won’t give in… claiming that we’re just trying to, and I quote, “baboy” ourselves. Haha!!! And why are you here in this relationship again???

I didn’t tell him that, I wanted him to have that moment, to feel like he’s the man, he got the balls to break-up with me, he knows he didn’t really break my heart, but at least he said it first… well, I wanted him to do it. It gives me pleasure to know that they (the people I got involved with) have the bragging rights for this whole breaking up thing… it doesn’t bother me, especially since I’m enormously indecisive, so I let them do it, sometimes I don’t want them to, but sometimes I’m just so glad they finally do, just like today…. And I need not worry about what other people think, that I’m not the one who broke up with someone, cuz I know the truth and I’m happy with my decision… at least this one I’m sure I’d stick with…

So there you go, me back to the arms of myself… hmm, thinking about it, I actually never left my side, get me? Wahehe… I’m not sure what I wanna do next… I’ve said I plan to be alone for awhile the moment we separate but you never know, I might just change my mind again… at the moment I’ll try to enjoy singlehood, as if I have the balls to sleep around…. Damn, I’m so lame….. waheehe.

Mental Status: idol crazy...
Libido Meter: not in the mood...
Emo Level: depress....
Quote: “vengeance is a lazy form of grief”
Voca worda: plaudit– applaud

jobs, pimple, and shit....

I am so glad that the blogger works again….. nothing much going one except I finally tried to look for a job and guess what happened??? Right… nothing. No calls yet from Convergys, I just submitted my name and my contact no since I’m already done with the initial interview and all. The only thing the oh-so-busy girl was write my contact details on a SHIT of paper and go home. Man!!! They don’t know what they’re missing… wahaha… they’ll miss the chance of giving me money wahhhhhhhhh…….

I’m going to a couple of job fairs this coming 15th I just hope I do get something out of it… we’ll see….

Oh, the prince and I finally came back in each other’s arms… literally… after not seeing each other for nearly a month. I missed him. I do hope things work out for him with his job hunting and all. Too bad he couldn’t stay for the night cuz he was supposed to fill in for some work the next day….

I have a pimple that just hurts so bad… it’s located just half-inch under my lower lip… god, it huts… I just finished cleaning my room hai.. it feels good when it’s clean, it’ll be for at least the next 2 days wahehehe….

And oh, something really sad here, Eniarol is leaving school. Well, she’s taking a leave so she’s leaving. That means she won’t be graduating together with us. Damn!!! How I wish I can help her, I mean, do something for her so she won’t have to skip school…. Aside from the fact that she may end up not finishing her studies, it’ll suck not to get a glimpse of her every school day… and now, if I decide to pursue her, it’ll be the worst timing, her life is miserable beyond imagination at the moment, and I am more misery in the making… so I’d better back off…

What a nice way to end this entry… hai….