three months later....

Man, I really can’t understand myself right now. It’s weird. I dunno what it is that I actually want. The Prince called today and he wants us to kinda cool down a bit, I was like okay… as if we are in any way getting in heat waheheh… I was okay with it… I mean I was really fine with it… I’ve been kinda waiting for him to say goodbye.. it’s his feelings that I worry cuz I do know that he loves me so much…. But then in the middle of that 20-minute conversation, somehow I just brokedown. I dunno why. I really don’t. I just can’t let him go… like any part of my life. I just can’t let anything go. I don’t want him to go. I dunno maye because he assures me. When he’s there I know that I’m fine, there’s no need for me to look for anyone and I am sure that he will take care of me. I dunno if I cried because of his situation, being an out of school youth who lives with his aunt and he has to support his sister/brother’s studies. I dunno if it was actually love or pity that I felt. I mean thinking about it now, nothing really happened, I mean we didn’t broke up, it was just him telling me that we may not be able to see each other more since he has to concentrate on looking for a job. I mean we haven’t seen each other for almost two weeks now but it’s fine with me. Now we may not see each other for a month but it’s cool too. He asked me if I could wait for him , I told him I dunno…. I actually thought he was talking bout a long time… so I really said I didn’t know…. I don’t want to get into any relationship yet but if someone comes along what can I do? Then I realized he was talking bout a month, okay… what the fuck is the purpose of all these? What am I crying for? What am I talking about again?Man, my stomach is killing me, that’s when you get when you put dessert first instead of your lunch. Damn it! Curse that chocolate cake. Why does it have to taste that good?????? Hai….

I can’t get over Carrie Underwood… waehehehe…. Man, she’s so gorgeous…. I’d definitely stick with being straight if it means she’ll be my wife wahehehe.. dream on…. Yup.. just did…
Anyways, three months… wow… not exactly a smooth ride but at least I lasted three months with not much effort…. Somebody’s been messaging me… and the stupid me is answering back… hahaha… crazy ha???? Been jumping around… my head aches. Ahhhhhhh….. and my feet too…. Grrrrrr….

Mental Status: the pain is unbearable…
Libido Meter: totally off
Emo Level: pretty high…
Quote: “he is my first mistake”
Voca worda: gentry– people of good birth or social standing

monthsarry....

Yes, my friends! It has been a month!!! Even I can hardly believe it. Man, I never thought someone like me could survive a month without a cellphone. That’s a record. Ha…. I know what you’re thinking. That I am such a dumbass who just can’t let go. Well, I tell you what. That is true. I dunno why but I just can’t. That’s why I’m too scared to get close to anyone cuz I habitually end up getting hurt. Story of my miserable life.

I’m ‘bout to say that I’m gonna start looking for a J-O-B but I realized that I’ve been saying that for quite awhile. So when am I gonna start actually looking for one? I dunno. Somebody will have to spank me soon to get me moving. If not, I may end up spending the my entire summer in front of the PC. Which isn’t exactly a bad thing. But I really wanna earn some cash. I want to…. I need to…. I have to….

Somebody left me a message at connexion. You know who he is and well, I dunno what happened but I look at him differently now. As if he was not the guy I’ve known before. Like I never actually knew him at all. I dunno it’s weird…

Have to finish tons of stuff then school is over this Tuesday. I can hardly wait.

Mental Status: normal
Libido Meter: inactive
Emo Level: high
Quote: “it’s the first time you really open up your heart to somebody and you just end up getting hurt”
Voca worda: fratricide (v.i) – the act of killing one’s own brother/sister
fraternize (colloq) – to have sexual relations with one’s enemy

this is stupid...

I’m off from school, at least for the next two weeks….. hai… four days from now and I’ve been phoneless for a month, it’s been that long… grrrrrrrrr….

I gotta finish up a class project, research for our take-home finals and review or at least read for our three written finals next week….

But before all that let’s all dedicate this week to lament and contemplate on our sins and wrongdoings… got yah! To hell with it! Just be careful though, especially on Friday, you’re not allowed to go out or hurt myself, cuz it won’t ever heal…. Christ is sleeping. Stupid…

Anyways, Yesterday we went to Ate Lea’s place… just messed around her place… trying to get some fresh air into our system…. Hai… they’re planning to go swimming this April I dunno if that’s gonna push through or if I’m gonna join them.

By the way, the prince didn’t call today. I haven’t texted him yet since I don’t have no phone at the moment… I know I’m possibly screwed for this and he may start to think I don’t want him no more… well, I really dunno… I’ll probably text him later or tomorrow if he still won’t call today… need to... have to… stupid indecisiveness …

Mental Status: dithering
Libido Meter: just got off
Emo Level: FAILING….
Quote: “Sometimes I wanna kill myself but I’m too scared to die”
Voca worda: conniption- a fit of anger

crazy me.....

God, how pathetic can I be? I hate to admit it but I’m really falling for her… I dunno how long I can stop myself but my head really says no….. it won’t just hurt me but if she do feels the same way about me the chances of me hurting her is pretty hefty. And that’s the last thing I would ever wanna do. I don’t think I can pass her standards, you know, the type who’ll fetch her home or treat her all the time, you know me, I barely spend something for myself, rumor has it that I can possibly starve myself to death. Waheheh…

Hai.. I’m starting to become a rewinding cassette waheheh…. I’m crazy.. am I not? I sure am. See???? Wahehehe… Why does this shitty heart have to skip everytime it gets a glimpse of her… I want it to stop, but I can’t… dunno what to do… grrrrrrrrrrrr……. If risk-o-meter do exist she’s definitely higher. I know I’m gonna be happy when I’m with her and if she’ll allow me to but I doubt that I’ll be able to make her feel the same. Crazy me….

School is coming to an end, god, I do hope I end this one pretty well. I need all the incentives I can possibly get from my aunt. If I make it to the dean’s list my aunt lina may feel the urge to buy me a new phone. Hmmm it’s been what four or three weeks of no phone???? I’m trying to get it back.. in my own little evil ways…. Die guessin’ waheheheheh

Mental Status: paranoid
Libido Meter: secret wahehe
Emo Level: falling……..
Quote: “why be you if you can be new?---- hell yah!”
Voca worda: acephalous- headless; leaderless

all things just keep getting better --- i wish!

Okay, I’m cool now… my relationship with the prince has gone better and I couldn’t be any happier. I guess everything that transpired was really nothing but an upshot of my sudden visit to the state of disbelief… we’re totally cool now… I do feel the same way I did before… in love that is. This may be the cheesiest thing ever but I was so kilig when he said this to me. You know that he visits this site and he told me he attempted to make a blog of his own, and do you know what is the name of the blog he made? I think you don’t… I was caught off guard as well, totally something I never thought he’ll think of, and is just plain sweet. “riddler’s prince”. That’s the name he’s routing for. Cheesy ha?

Anyways, so busy in school so I won’t have the time to make this one pretty long. I guess this would be enough. Ahehe. We have this play tomorrow and it’s one pathetic piece I wrote myself. I didn’t plan to play the lead but since nobody else is available to play it (really? Wahehe) I would have to do it myself. I wrote, directed and acted the play. Now that’s more than what Clint did for Baby. Aheee…. I am eyeing that Oscar waheheh…

Tagboard is driving me crazy…. There are more days that it don’t work than it does. God damn it! I’d probably switch to chatter box but I hate its format. Whatever.

I only have four more school days to put up with and it’ll be a full week of utter noise from the barangay in front of our house. And in case you want a TIBO update. Well, he’s as useless as usual and they’re not getting any better.

Anyone who knows where this lad can work this summer? Something that doesn’t involve me wiping no tables or unzipping my or anybody’s pants. Leave me a message ahehehe..

Mental Status: directorial
Libido Meter: cool….
Emo Level: in L_O_V_E
Quote: “riddler’s prince”
Voca worda: stifle- to suffocate

the aftermath...

I know it’s been two weeks since I lost my phone, but I still can’t get over it. and the fact is, my enthusiasm seemed to have left as well when my phone was nabbed. My enthusiasm in everything. I can’t fuckin’ do nothing right. Or at least I think I’m somewhat incapable to do anything. Poor me. In fact even my thang for prince seems to have been lost as well. But I remember I said I’m gonna try hard to make us work. But if we’re gonna break-up, I’m so no longer in the mood to go into another relationship or to even look for anyone. I’m gonna stick with myself and me. I dunno but I feel like going back to serenity and mourn my way out of it, if I’m even gonna be able to.

I don’t know why but I do miss someone, actually I do know why but I ain’t gonna disclose it, actually I really don’t know. Wah! I dunno. I hate myself right now. I really do.

Anyways, I’m gonna look for work soon. I just wanna work this summer. Fast foods are not an option, coffee shops are. But my main choice is a call center. Why? Cuz the job description fits me perfectly. For bums who can speak well. Perfect!

Mental Status: crazy…. Crazy… crazy…
Libido Meter: fucked up!
Emo Level: nostalgic
Quote: “now fuck off and die you fucked up slack!!!!!!”
Voca worda: excogitate- to think out, contrive

there's no rainbow after the storm...

A week has gone by since the incident…. Hai.. I terribly miss my phone…. It was a really rough week for me… the first few days were just excruciating. I can hardly get myself to think straight (not the sexual preference, although, that to wahehe), I’m always caught in a state of nostalgia, thinking that everything that happened was nothing but a mere nightmare… but no it was real alright, and I’m no way waking up into a delusion I insistently implore exists….

Hai… well, the prince and I are cool now… I was kinda pissed at him because he reacted exactly the opposite of the way I want him to do so…. But we’re cool now… I’m really gonna try to make us work… the last thing I need is solitude, I might kill myself….

Good thing Aunt Mary Ann agreed to send me some money, she usually sends me money after each semester, my birthday and Christmas. I asked for $65 (x 53 is P3, 575) to buy a new phone… but I don’t expect her to send the whole amount… she might give me 20 at least or 30 tops… damn it! She’s caught up with some problems of her own… my CIA cousin (it’s a secret ayt?) is undergoing a knee surgery next week and she’s been sick for awhile. She said she’d send the money before she leaves on the 12th to go to his surgery. The dolla’ will arrive in Japan before the 20th and hopefully be sent to me before this month ends.

I saw Duda today, I know you’re wondering why I ain’t posting this one in the movie blog, it’s becuz my cousins or relatives or whatever may get to read it and the fiasco will begin. Anyways, I’m not really sure if it is the entire movie or only half of it cuz it seemd like it even though they showed the credits, but if it is, it’s totally hilarious. Filipinos really get over the board just to point out something Anyways, maybe I will write a full movie review and post it here.. not in the mood right now… I’m writing something in Filipino, I dunno what it is yet, it can become a script, a short story or even a novel. Man, it’s tiring though.

By the way, before I go, to those people who never even consoled me during my time of bereavement, I hope you lose someone of dear to you as much as my cellphone is to me. Then, I’ll go laugh at you. Keep in mind, what goes around, comes around….

Mental Status: recuperating…
Libido Meter: higher than usual…
Emo Level: silently bereaving
Quote: “you have to fight your way into this world, and fight your way out of it”
Voca worda: sottish- stupid or foolish from drinking too much..