boi...confuse....

Oh, man, I dunno how to describe wha’t going on right now…. I can’t believe it’s happening. After weeks of anticicpation….. do you have a guess??? You’re probabaly not right….

Nope, it’s not what you’re thinking of, I finally have a time-off!Yup! I can’t believe it either… I’m looking at my planner and there’s not much to do today. It’s f*cking unbelievable. And the free time runs till tomorrow. Not much in line that day as well. Man, how I missed my time of leisure… waheheh….

Anyways, if you’re wondering why I’m writing this soon, aside from my free time, something really weird happened the other day. Eniarol said something that made my blood propel, my temparature rise and my heart pound. And I can’t belive how stupid I am to react that way from a single phrase. It’s not the three beloved words but it is as if it is. Oh, man what’s going on with me.

You see, she was suppose to go home, I was chatting with somebody when, if I remember right, I asked someone preceding her where she’s going. She answered SM and then bursting out of nowhere, Eniarol uttered the three words… “sabay ka na”. Man I felt my heart melt. I felt the earth move under my skin, i feel the sky tumbling down... And I know I’m suppose to be happy about it but I am not, well I am, but I am worried, I dunno exactly what I’m worried about but I’m going crazy…. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I remember two days ago I was ready to corroborate that I do love the prince, and now, I’m reacting like these from 3 stupid words!!!! Man, I can’t believe how pathetic I’ve grown to become. Oh, man, it makes me wonder how I will react if she touch my face with those bare hands, so smooth and delicate as if they were of a new born, wah, I’m starting to be poetic again…, wahahahah… not for me....not for this journal at least.

I’m so confused, perplexed, baffled and bamboozled…. Hai… I can’t understand me no more. I have to re-examine everything again. But one thing I do know for sure is that I can’t allow myself to fall for her… I just can’t… It’s suicide.. if I was afraid before because she’s conservative, well, now, I’m terrified. She can’t and won’t accept me, prejudice yes, but that’s the reality, and I know it… I just can’t believe how much I enjoyed that moment and wished it never ended.

Enough of this bullshit, man, since some of my fellow PLMaers already know this, word may come out, but I don’t give a shit, I made this blog just how I like it.. I say it as it is, I tell them as they are… this is the real deal, if you can’t accept it, go fuck yourself!

Mental Status: bababababaBAMbooozzzled…
Libido Meter: pedro has a problem
Emo Level: in love??????with whom?????
Quote: “sabay ka na!”
Voca worda: misogamy- hatred of marriage

the NEW STAR in a Million, in love???--- not!!!

It’s been a week since the last time… hai.. I’ve been so busy, c’mon if anyone’s entitled to skip for a week in posting that would be me… I’m running two blogs, trying to maintain a relationship, feeding the assholes in this house for a week now and I’m still studying. I know this one is suppose to be the easier one to uphold but my time is consumed by the other blog cuz it needs more thinking, creativity and all that shit, plus I have to spend at least 90 minutes for the movie… story of my blog life… waheheh

If you’re waiting for an update with regards to my love life, well, ha… I think I finally realized that I do love him…. I mean I’m trying my best not to cuz I’m scared, I don’t wanna make the same mistake again and be left in torment. If ever I’m going to fully commit myself again, I want to make sure that it’s gonna last, at least long enough for me not to be disgruntled.

You see, I really do love the idea of us not sleeping together not even have a JO session in concert. I feel that it’s better. Yeah, I’ve been trying to tease him a little but he won’t give in, always protective of his not-so-little prince (believe me I know) and won’t let me take his hands where the sun doesn’t shine (UK?). Yesterday when I hugged him while talking him to sleepover. I found myself really wanting him to never leave me, to not runaway from my little arms that encompass his fine stature, though I know it’ll be just for awhile… oh, my god, nahahawa na ako sa kaPOETan ng ibang PLMaers na bloggers, ang sagwa (I’ve been infected by the POETIC shitties of my fellow PLMaer bloggers, totally peculiar). Our monthsarry is coming up, hmm, 5 days from now, I just hope he won’t break-up with me 3 days after that.

Oh, speaking of that, he found the sweet nothings left in my inbox from the one we do not speak of. I found a tiny bit of jealousy in him and he asked me to obliterate them all. Hmm.. honestly I haven’t read that for almost a month already. Since we’ve been together. When the time came for me to expunge those messages, I didn’t even bother to read them no more. It’s been a long time coming, but it came nonetheless…. I’m finally released, thanx to my prince who’s giving more than I could possibly imagine. Despite his restrictions, he always finds a way to contact me and see me, even surprise me. I guess it really won’t be wrong to fall in love with him, wish I could totally ditch this fear from me so I can fully savor each moment….

Enough with my love nuisances, time to share with you another experience of mine. Yesterday, I finally had the balls to undergo rejection once more. I came with Noime at the ABS-CBN compound. I kinda made-up my mind that I’m singing Ribbon in the Sky since some Erik-Santos-looking-gay boi sang Get Here at the other night’s episode of Pinoy Pop Superstar. We found out they’re not suppose to entertain new auditioness no more but according to them, since we took the time to fall in line, they’re giving us the chance. From the regular 30-45 secs audition time we’re only given 15 secs to do our thang…. But before I finally got the chance to flaunt my thang.. . something completely irritating, considerably degrading, undeniably disgusting and absolutely worth ranting about happened….

All the newcomers were on the line when this fat gay man who happens to be nothing but an alalay (maid) asked us to sing one-by-one. He acts as if he’s allowed to employ judgment, when well in fact he’s not. He asked me several times whether I’m really willing to audition and whether I want is so badly. He even made me sing twice and just say I’ll think about it! Who the fuck does he think he is? I felt so offended that I told Noime that we should just leave. I won’t put up with this kind of shit. I even start to swear that I ain’t gonna sing no more. But then after awhile we were all asked to go upstairs and audition.

As I watch those who tried before me, I realize that it is not going to be easy. They’re tougher than ever and those who one would normally think will get in, fails to get through. It was that scary. That’s how high their standards were. Noime sang first before me and she kinda went outta tune. The entire time I was inside I was thinking about what I’m gonna sing. I’ve been chopping of the parts of my supposed piece and at the last minute I decided to sing Harder to Breathe since I heard the judges say they’re looking for a younger sound.

The next thing I know, the spotlights on me. I said my name, held my breath and sang. I know I sounded quite quirky and I swear I thought my end was coming. Then the judge spoke, it was A. Gamboa, I can’t remembr his first name. He said, “Okay na okay yung pagkanta (the voice is very okay) but it’s not just the image we’re looking for”. How did I react? I smiled, laughed and danced my way down to the ground floor. After that fat queer almost categorically say I don’t have the looks nor the voice, that comment alone made me wanna scream in joy! I mean, this guy’s the president of Trumpets and he said that I can really sing!!!! That’s definitely good enough for me. I realized that I’m not really going in these auditions to actually qualify cuz I know deep inside that it’s really not me they’re looking for, but somehow, I find myself trying. And it’s all because I want some assurance. Someone of rank in the music industry to tell me, that yeah, dawg you can carry a tune! And I finally got it.

I remember Cielo saying, that at least you’ve proven that you can sing, never mind the looks we can work on that or something to that effect. Hai… this shit’s been so long already… gotta get outta here… need to buy some rice for us today and guess where the money’s gonna come from? You betcha! From my own pocket!!!

Mental Status: still crazy about the comment
Libido Meter: pretty low…
Emo Level: in love??????
Quote: “Okay na okay yung pagkanta (the voice is very okay) but it’s not just the image we’re looking for”
Voca worda: cachinnate – to laugh laudly or too much

the pirates of Quiapo: selling the prince and me

Yesterday was crazy… Saturday I went to Ai’s b-day, I was asked to sing so I did, had a couple of mishaps, actually a lot of those waheheh…. Some of my classmates decided to stay at our house, they all did and I witnessed something crazy but I ain’t sharing…

Man, I had so much to do with so little time to do it…. Have I mentioned that sometime last week I bought my first pirated CD and DVD, well, it was a funny experience and I’ve learned something. I should only buy pirated ones for art films and etc. but when it comes to the cds, I’m buying them all aheheh…. Imagine P10 for the whole Alicia Keys album! That’s a lot of savings! And the album sounded like the original… I won’t say though that I’m totally happy with what I’m doing, FUCK THIS, I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT I AM DOING!!! Ahehee in fact, I just bought 3 more DVDs and 6 CDs today…. So much for respecting intellectual property rights. I hope my karma ain’t coming down soon.

Remember what I said about me and prince actually not doing it, well, we still haven’t done it but I think he wanna do it already. Now here’s the problem I feel like not doing it yet. It’s not that I don’t wanna do it with him it’s more of I’m just enjoying what we have right now, slightly committed with not much pressure. Sex changes everything, no matter what other people say. There’s a certain pact made after that exchange of fluids. Though I am quite sure that I will not be the one who’ll cost the pain in the relationship, I need to be more protective of myself. Wouldn’t wanna have the same shit with the one we do not speak of. Waheheh

By the way the prince called last night, and he actually broke up with me… no I’m just kidding, that’s what he said. He told me he wanna break up with me and then said he was just joking. I was pissed. But the always calm and understanding me let it pass. For a while I had a flash of fear, that fear of going to the process of being alone again and trying to find that somebody. I realized I’m not yet ready for that. It was more of that fear than because I love him so much. I’m afraid of losing him cuz riddler don’t wanna be looking for another royalty. He was drunk by the way.

The Golden Globes will be aired later I have to watch it to find out whether my predictions were right. I was looking for the copy of Sideways but there ain’t selling any. I guess I would have to wait for it in the cinema. If Finding Neverland and Closer ain’t showing next week someone’s going back to the island. I’ve seen those being sold in the pirate’s haven.

Hmm, a lot of my classmates are starting to flood the blog world. Ahehe.. I have to fix my links. Hiding this shit ain’t useful no more cuz they’ve already found it. Pisses me off but what can I do. And besides, I’m very nice to them, ahehe, but I would have to halt myself from sharing my nasty thoughts. Ahehe.. to all you new bloggers, welcome to the world of self-promotion. Ahehe, if people don’t understand you in person, in here you have all the freedom to reveal who you really are… enjoy!

Mental Status: bothered
Libido Meter: ain't getting up...
Emo Level: just as bothered
Quote: “i assumed you fuck someone tonight, isn't that how you get people to like you?” - jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Voca worda: traverse - to pass over; to examine carefully et al.

school..job..sex..baby!

It’s been crazy these past few days, my world’s turning ‘round and round and I feel as if I have no control over it….

Katam is really back, my effort has all been purged but I’m still trying… in fact, I’m going to sacrifice most of my time to do school works, that’s my priority aside from the prince of course.

My big fat obnoxious professor is really starting to do well, in fact, I’m starting to learn from her, all she has to do really is turn down that ego a bit… it’s doing her no good… plus she did mention that our class lack the ability to prioritize. I’m guilty, that’s why I started that organizer thing so I can plan everything since I’m so oblivious.

Lolo Ella gave me this link about yehey entertaining articles from independent writers and all, I just read it, though it’s not a paying job (it’s more of a perks giving job) it will be a good training for me, I mean I don’t think I can possibly be a great writer but at least good enough to be published on yehey….

Oh, before I forget a Eniarol found this blog…. Shit!shit! and shit!, in fact she might be reading this shit right now, if she is, then she’ll find out hat’s truly up…. Man, I think she knows it already, she’s just pretending to be clueless and all…..

I’m meeting the prince later, we’re suppose to meet on Saturday but he said he can’t wait that long…. Haha… the riddler’s charm cannot broken aheheh before I frget, his aunt don’t approve of me and it was strange cuz she texted me last Monday afternoon saying that the prince hit his head and he’s 50/50 in the hospital. I didn’t freak out or anything, but I was a little worried cuz he didn’t call that night, it’s a good thing he called last night, at least I know that he’s perfectly well….

I’m thinking of whether I should tell him about his Yen-like problem or not, if symptoms still persist then I should tell him. it better comes from me that anybody else right? Hahaha, I swear I know u don’t have a clue what I’m talking bout… aheheh

And just in case you don’t know, we’re not sleeping together. He don’t wanna and I’m fine with it, and I’m not even cheating on him, in person or otherwise. In fact, I’m liking it, I kinda loss my appetite for sex as well, it’s so overrated….. I’m not sure for how long I’ll be fine with it my guess--- for a pretty long time…. low

Mental Status: diminishing paranoia
Libido Meter: oh so low….
Emo Level: down
Quote: “imagine a world without me”
Voca worda: cackle – silly talk or chatter

KATAM stikes back....

Ha… for the first four days of this year, I have been able to fight my “katam” or laziness. But yesterday and the other day, man it hit me once again. Wah… hopefully this will stop soon…. I really need to be stronger and more dedicated with this… haha.. I’m really taking this shit seriously, cuz I really have to if I wanna change….

Anyways, the prince is fine, cuter than I thought he’ll be but kinda have the same problem as Yen, hopefully, it will be fixed soon…. Hai…

My big fat obnoxious professor is starting to come together, damn, I hope that bitch gives me a good grade…. Or I’m gonna slit her throat and sell her per kilo at the Blumentritt market.

Anyways found this at some friend finding site’s bulletin board and this shit’s cool…. Read it….

: cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!!! If you can udernatnsd tihs rdanieg, rpeost it!!! NOW!

Amazing isn’t it?????? Man, it’s so cool…….

Before I forget, man, I firmly endorse Aishite Imasu, it was one hell of a movie….. unbelievably brilliant of a film…. The best OPM of 2004!!!! Okay, now I have to go, still have loads of stuff to finish….


Mental Status: still in awe over that reading thing..
Libido Meter: low----still!!!
Emo Level: low too…
Quote: “dahil sa aking pag-iisa sa krusadang patuloy na makairal sa larangan ng pagtula sa Filipino sa isang bansang iilan o halos walang mambabasa nito" (because of my aloneness in a crusade that continues to persist in the field of Filipino poetry in a country where a few or almost none really reads it).
Voca worda: horology (n)– the science of measurign time and making timepieces

my big fat obnoxious professor...

Damn it, it’s been a not so fun day for me… hai,, first day of class since the holiday and you get the worst scenario. Damn, I really hate that fat uptight bitch……. Grrrrrrrrr….. she’s so disorganized, inexplicably arrogant and I learned nothing from her….
I guess I have to wish that dean’s list goodbye…. Hai…..

I’m glad by the response I received with regards to my blog… I really wish I have more time to fix this shit…

Haha.. I just remembered maybe that was a week ago.. a porn site upon seeing some of my explicit untraceable pictures asked me if I am interested to work for them.. hahaa.. I don’t think so…. Me, in a porn video? Nah… I may need money but I’m not that desperate… aheheh.. but I’m flattered… certifies my twinkiness aheheh..

The prince haven’t called yet… who’s that? I don’t know, do you know?

Mental Status: psycho teacher killer
Libido Meter: low
Emo Level: mad but handling it….
Quote: “Ako ang magbibigay ng kailangan nila at hindi maghahanap ng kailangan ko sa kanila”
“I’ll be the one to give their needs, and will never try to look for my needs in them”
-Andes, Itak by Jose A. Bragado
Voca worda: insipient (adj.) – not wise; stupid

pledges for the new year....

I acknowledge the fact that I’m not perfect, I’m close, but not quite yet. Ahehe… seriously, I have lots to learn and quite a lot of time to be taught, but I believe I should not waste any more of that time, the earlier I learn the better…. So here are some of my new year’s pledge….

STOP my mañana habit… most of my regrets came from my inability to do things as soon as I have the chance to accomplish it. If I have the time, I must do it, stop wasting it on some lame ass TV show and chatting with some knuckleheads.

BE mores of my life….

…….. serious with my studies
…….. industrious with everything
……. closer to my family
…….. erratic, spontaneous and crazy
…….. generous, understanding and friendly
…….. honest
……...vain
………faithful to thy love one


Start READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Start writing!!!!!! (does not include movie reviews and blog entries)

Be on time!!!!!!

Stop starving myself

Prioritize my health

Save!save!save!

Stop being a biatch…

Convince myself to not look for the one but for someone…

Expound my singing career while I still can.. haha!

Really try to find a part-time job

More auditions…

Be an alcoholic

Watch and buy pirated DVD’s and CDs.. up to now I’m skeptical about this one.. my artist’s conscience keep on telling me to be respectful.. I dunno… wah…

Since it’s my pedro’s year… give it more doze of fun and excitement… hahaha!

This is all for now, hopefully, I’ll be able to accomplish all of these without resulting to harakiri ahehehe….