2004 revealed..... a gutsy ballsy year for me!

It’s time for my seasonal rundown of some of the events that transpired this year… overall, it was a crazy year, a few ups and a lot of downs but what matter is I learned from it….. as if…..

MOTO_ALERT @ no. 10
Finally got myself a new phone as my birthday present to myself. Enjoying every bit of the camera action.

FAST and CASUAL @ no. 9
Experienced my first one-night stand that left a perpetual trauma...

@ no. 8--- close encounters with the same kind..
I’m exploring who I can be I’m trying to know what I’m all about ahehe I realized that I do have a pretty good market for myself…. on a much wholesome note, i found my crazy counterparts, thanx to Bob Ong...

Talking brave @ no. 7
… faced most of my fears and inhibitions…. Auditions being one of them…

shrieking it’s way @ no. 6 are my Melodic screw-ups
I screeched on a hoobastank song at my first full-band performance… forgot the lyrics of wherever you will go…. but wowed the audience with my infamous version of just once at my first singing competition....

Proudly speaking @ no. 5
I’m Officially a self-proclaimed movie critic….. had short-lived column at the A2 newspaper and finally released my own movie blog last July...

Sadly @ no. 4
First BF and a 2-month long heartbreak… need no expounding.

And continuously mourns @ no. 3
Lost almost the 2 entire seasons of my journal… and decided to make an online chronicle instead and it’s what you’re reading right now…

Still confused @ no. 2
I turned legal and chose the middle path, will I go to the left, head to the right or remain in the middle? That I don’t know yet but I’m enjoying and at the same time, cursing every minute of it….

And finally @ no. 1
I’m starting to know myself better, I’m beginning to realize what I am truly capable of and what I genuinely lack. With that I became a better person, it’s a long road to holiness but I’m way far from the starting line….

I know only a handful of people know this blog but Thanx to everyone who made my life happy and sad this year. it's definitely much crazier than i actually though it'll be... thanx to all the BB members that i'm somewhat close with... to all my fellow bloggers thanx fr the visit... to ___ who inspired me to make a blog at least that i'm thankful for... and my no. 1 fan Don ahehe you rock dude!

And to all the readers of my movie blog, thanx for the support your comments, suggestions and reactions i truly value.. no matter what i say ahehehe.... thanx very much....

Death all over... but Brew is alive!!!

Death is everywhere… am sure glad it ain’t hit this part of the realm… in case it does, the 3 useless dogs in this house will be the perfect choice…

I am pissed beyond description with our professor in Info. Tech. Given the chance, I would definitely kick his ass or maybe screw him with something sharp so the friggin’ fag would learn her lesson. Grrr… he’s stupid, arrogant and demanding… as if I can learn a lot from him!!! Screw him….

Brew and I finally met up, after more than a month, I was excited to meet him, I love him still, although I am not sure as to what extent that love reach…. I’m not sure whether I love him as a really special friend or romantically… whatever it is… I love the guy….

He looked a little different, he said I’m getting whiter (thanx to Mae’s papaya soap). We met at Figaro, and he still smokes, surprisingly! We looked for a place to eat and we decided to go to Shakey’s. Usually, when it’s meal without rice, I don’t get full… but that Bunch of Lunch was something…. I was stuffed for the next 5 hours… We didn’t watch any movie cuz there was nothing shown that entice me into it…. We decide to just head home…

We watched Stepford, it’s the third time I’ve seen it, and man, I still laugh as if there’s no tomorrow.. we also saw the butterfly effect and well, let’s just say Mariah’s butterfly had more effect on me…. Then we had the talk, and routinely, I asked him, he declined…. Even adding that if he ever have a bf at the moment, he’d probably just cheat on him… cuz he really loves Marvin, and he loves me as well, but I don’t believe it anymore or at least buy it… the latter that is….

It was fun having him around, it’s what I thought the most secure I ever felt… he went home early the next day, I dropped by our place and something astonishing cropped up, my little sister, spontaneously hugged me. That was the most secure I’ve ever felt, I was delighted at that moment, I was in ecstasy… wouldn’t exchange that for anything….

I’ve already done about a quarter of my Christmas shopping, I’ve got 5 days to go before Enteng Kabisote day,. Yup, you read that right, I’m watching this shit. It’s a tradition of our family to go out during holidays and watch a movie, last year we separated cuz they watched some crazy cheap movie, while my sister and I saw Crying Ladies. Since I found the trailer of the movie very interesting, I’d go ahead and watch it…

I’m glad that I’m okay now... sober and tranquil at the very least. I remember telling Naig that I’ve given a cut-off date for our relationship. Ends up, we lasted for just a month… man, I keep on remembering that song from Kyla which is so perfect for my situation right now…

All I ask is just a little HONESTY though I know, that you’re NOT coming back to me….

Bluer than blue…. Is dark blue

What a true gift modern technology is to all… after much anticipation, a little sucking-up and pretension, at long last, I acquired the bluetooth device from my elementary friend…. Mark Abaya wanted so badly to get out off my phone into my PC so the whole blog world can see our intimate time together… wahahahah…. I’m so hoping he don’t get to read this one aheheheh… as if….


Before I continue, I would like you dear reader, to take a moment of silence, to pray for the soul of our beloved action king—Fernando Poe JR. if you didn’t know, he was my second choice last election, next to Raul Roco, I’d rather have an inexperienced leader than Gloria. Seriously, I cried watching the coverage from the different news programs, it was something. He’s one of those people that you can’t speak dire of. He’s a moving image of kindness and generosity. Hai… life, truly stingy to those who deserve it more….



Enough of the mushy stuff, no message from brew yet since the last time, no text messages, no calls, not even a new entry on his blog. He’s either completely hiding from me or just too busy working and screwing that he can no longer lift a finger to type. Hmm…. Tough choices…. Anyways, I am acting like this because I’m worried and I miss him… I just hope he’ll have the balls to tell me to go away if that’s what he really wants me to do.. I guess I need and deserve that…

This is funny, but I actually start to think about Yen, remember him? My supposed bf after brew but I erased him from my list cuz he disappeared without giving me the chance to break-up with him cuz his nose is bigger than mine, his breath sucks and he has a body odor? I thought that if I didn’t gave him a cold shoulder when he dropped by and completely alienated him, we could still be together, which is quite horrific… eewww….. it’s a good thing I was still in love with Brew that time, imagine me falling for someone like that… don’t think so too…

School’s almost over, semester is far from over and Christmas is fast-approaching. At 3,000 pesos what can you get this holiday season for gifts and clothing? Man, I am so broke… I might have to start hanging socks just so I’d get something for free… last Christmas, the only gift I received (aside from cash donations of course) was a what was it again from my sister. This year hopefully I’ll nab 3. Why should I always be the one who gives? It’ll be okay if I have lots to give but I don’t.

My friend’s father will be buried today…. It’s weird cuz she didn’t shw any signs of depression, mourning or whatever.. her mom even made a joke about getting a new hubby and someone younger this time just so it won’t die easily… hahaha… but of course, deep inside I know they’re in pain… her father was still young, 51… why is everybody dying this past few days? Hai…

punish me....

These are exact messages posted on his tagboard….

riddler: u cud hav tld me dat erlier.. s2pid me 2 wori bout u...
brew: bhe, sorry talaga. waaa... i needed wdnsdy for rest. grabe. nakakapagod...
riddler: r u still alive?

What do u expect me to say? Thanx I really appreciate it? I can’t twig the sense on what he did… I just don’t… Yah, I may not have the right to ask for his time (just so you know, I didn’t ask him to treat me, he offered) because we’re not together anymore, but at least he could have told me the day before that he won’t make it or even inform me that he lost his cell (I assume so because it cannot be reach) or he changed his number…. A simple “Hello! Can’t make it, too tired to go out, bye!” would do….

If he no longer wants me to be a part of his life it’s okay… as far as I am concerned, telling me that you don’t wanna hear or have anything to do with me ever is better than completely being ignored and be left expectant.

Hai… I forgave him already even though I’m still a little mad…. This will fade, besides I am the always forgiving and ever trusting fool… plus, I still love him… I should be punish for this… or the next thing you know, I’m the one wooing him again, can’t afford that to happen…

Anyways, I met D earlier. As I expected, we didn’t click. And the ever hopeful thought that I should try since if I really am looking for the one, I don’t think he’s someone who has everything you’re looking for… or is he/she? But still didn’t work… yin yang thing…

Something bizarre is going on, my good friend Gnaz has been texting me a lot recently, and with those short sms, “labyu” in different forms is always included. At first I thought it was nothing, knowing that she’s a good friend and sees me nothing more than that. But lately it’s been crazy… call me assuming, but man, it’s odd, she texts me before she go to sleep or whenever she’s heading somewhere, I mean come on, you don’t do that with a friend right? I hope this is nothing, I hope I really am imagining things because if not, I dunno what the hell I’m gonna do…. I just don’t….

missing BREW!!!!!! have you seen him?

This might be it…
Me and brew finally over…
Not lovers, not friends, not anything…

I never wished for this to end up this way…
I never chose to travel this path…
It’s just what destiny lurk me into…
Up to how long, forever I guess…

A few hours ago, it was these thoughts that prowled in mind. I texted Brew about our supposed meeting tomorrow, he never replied. My reaction was practical, I was furious. Who wouldn’t be? That was suppose to be last weekend but he said he have work, I believed him. He promised that we’ll go tomorrow, Wednesday, but he hasn’t left any messages of any sort to me regarding the time and the place or anything in particular! Now tell me why wouldn’t I be bothered?

I was so ready to tell him already to get lost, I called his cell, but then, something’s wrong. It cannot be reach. That was shocking, brew never run out of battery. That was almost 7 hours ago, if he’s in work, he would have had his break already and had the chance to check out his phone for messages. I tried to call at their house but I hung up after a few rings.

Damn it, I’m worried sick. Now I’m starting to feel guilty. One who constantly reads this shit must be friggin wanting to hit my head with a bat just so I’d wake up. I mean, I should be really mad at him. And just completely hate him because he tuned into some sick liar. But here I am, still thinking that there must be some valid reason why he hasn’t communicated with me yet. And I’m so worried that something might have happened to him.

Man, I hope I can sleep. I’d still try to contact him. Leave him a message at yahoo or something. Oh, I dunno what to do…

the crazy typhoon....

Something really crazy is going on…. Last Monday, right before I went to bed, Dlanoj (CEU) called me as I predicted and we had fun talking but I had to sleep early because of my class the next morning. When I was already sleeping, suddenly my cell phone rang and it was Tap, I was surprised and then a minute later, the telephone rang, so I picked it up and it was Dlanoj, I panicked and so I told D that I have to hang up cuz I was talking with somebody on my mobile phone, I could barely hear him so I didn’t know how he reacted I just dropped the phone as fast as I can. Then I spoke with T and he’s not quite the person I “pictured” him to be. He sounded Bisayan, I dunno but he’s provincial accent definitely caught me off guard. I don’t like his voice, it’s irritating, it’s funny and call me phony and rude but it’s really not how he projected to me. Now I know why he barely text me in Filipino, it’s because he might misspell it. Haha. So I kinda started to distant myself from him, I don’t text him unless he does first, I can’t totally snob him yet cuz I wanna meet him first this Saturday so he can assist me when I go to my application at Makati. Oh my god am I becoming the USER that I’ve always been? Hahahah!

After that peculiar incident, D texted me and he was a little pissed I know. I replied by saying that it was my aunt who called in my cell and I was sorry. And then I slept.

The next day, I woke up early. At 4:45 am. However, I end up leaving the house at 7, 30 minutes behind the time that I was expected to be in school. I met my classmates at the shrine of Andres Bonifacio. It’s his day. I had to wait for a jiffy before a familiar face surfaced and I was already infuriated when that happened. The guys decided to all come to my place to watch porn and so we bought some and went straight to our house. After awhile, more of my classmates arrived and that was the largest crowd that stayed inside my room at the same time. I think we were 10 or 12. It was fun. We all saw the Stepford Wives and it was very funny still. After they have all gone I just kinda unwind a bit and I terribly forgot that it was Sex and the City day, man! What if brew decided to go out this Saturday? I’ll miss 1 episode this last season. Damn it!

Wednesday, it was a nice morning, was almost late for my PE class. Well, It’s weird, but I’m kinda flirting with Eniarol, remember her? The girl who I almost fell in love with who I think right now I’m kinda really in love with but I’m trying so hard to suppress it cuz I feel like it’s not going to work. Since when does falling for a girl weird? Ahahah! I dunno,, but I’m kinda teasing her all the time, my way of asking for her attention, and hopefully affection—yeah right! Dream on dude!

Enough of the nasty heterosexual story aheheh… I saw bridget jones’ diary 2, and well, it would have been better if I was watching it with someone I love. It was terribly romantic. God damn it! Baby I need some lovin’ aheheh.

I was drained after arriving home, I just stayed inside like I always do, decided not to go to Khowee’s gig no more. That night the rain was pretty hard, so I have no idea if D’s plan of meeting up the next day will push through. It didn’t happen. Classes were suspended and a super typhoon is about to hit Manila by storm! It’s as big as the entire country! Well, almost as big. I was so glad there ain’t classes no more cuz I really didn’t felt like going into mine. I just dropped by Bryan’s place one of the Bobongers where all of them are hangin’ out. We just chat and all that…. It’s nice seeing them all again, especially Kat who happens to have the same nickname as the greatest love of my life. Haha! I care immensely for her.

I arrived home at about 4, slept for about an hour and felt really dizzy afterwards. Actually, I felt really sick after leaving Bryan’s house. The wound in my mouth just won’t heal and I’m in terrible pain. I hope it goes away pretty soon. It’s pretty sore. I think I just had a fever because of it. I took in a medicine and hopefully it will work, if not, I would have to resort to using “tawas” to get it off. Who would wanna do that?
The phone sucks because of the weather. D and I can’t talk properly because of it. GRrr!! Just when we have all the free time in the world, this shit happens! The rain just stopped right now. Classes are suspended for today as well and I don’t know yet whether I’ll have class tomorrow. Hopefully no more. I ain’t sure yet as well if I’m going to go to Convergys tomorrow for the assessment. I might just be not ready for it at the moment cuz my wound still sucks! My Get Spotted stint still ain’t shown yet, hopefully tonight.

Before I forget, Brew already texted me a couple of days ago, he did without reading the previous entry, I was a little touched but I’m not falling for it. It’s another trap, must stay out of it! I hope he laughs at this one ahehe….