the day i lost my phone

One of the things I fear most happened…. I lost my phone…

Well, I didn’t lose it, like misplaced or forgot it or something, me and 3 of my classmates where held-up inside a jeepney on our way to a classmate’s house. The cellphone was inside my pocket and one of the three holdappers was seated beside me on my right side, he felt my cell from my pants and asked for it. Life or phone? I chose life… actually, I really don’t know if I even made the choice, or what clearly happened, if he nabbed the phone from my pants or I handed it to him, I can’t remember clearly. I was so shaken. Everything happened so fast. I just couldn’t believe that it was really happening.

Man, it’s totally weird, the timing was so damn perfect. To think that we even followed the stupid jeep so we can hop on… man, we’re so stupid. I’ve spent hours thinking about the what ifs… and we did try to find the crooks but to no success. Hai…. All the numbers… and to think that it’s actually the most expensive thing I bought with almost the entire money coming from me. It sucks. Why me? Maybe karma, for what? For not paying the fare when the driver pissed me off? I don’t think so. This is way too much of an imbursement. Hai…. I miss my phone….. huhuhu…. And I just loaded it with a 300 peso credits….

I wanted to cry, but I can’t, I wanted to shout, but all my energy seem to have faded away, and to think that my cousin was even mobbed yesterday. The only difference is that they caught the felons, and she was even featured on TV, while me, no phone, no jailed criminals, and no TV exposure, can there be anything worse than that?

Man, the prince hasn’t called yet. He’s leaving for Rizal tomorrow. He might be texting me and I haven’t replied once. I hope he do call before he leave he will be gone for a week. Man, 3 days to go and we’ll be celebrating our second monthsarry, too bad there’s no 29 on the calendar and he won’t be around. I miss him, I need him right now, I need somebody to hug the loneliness away….

I’m starving, need to find something to eat…. Grrr…. I hate this, I haven’t eaten any rice yet… hmmm….

love served cold...

Man, I really don’t fell like writing at all… I dunno why but I just don’t…. I dunno what’s happening to me, but all of a sudden I’m losing my interest on everything…. I’m starting to juggle around with my thoughts about the prince and I. I’m losing my lust for everything. I just don’t find myself yearning for anything, and what’s far worse, I feel so numb, I’m used to being jaded, but not feeling like dead. What’s happening to me??????

There are so many thoughts in my head at the moment, I dunno which one to listen to, I dunno which one to push through, the only thing I know is that they ain’t stopping anytime soon, they’re just gonna keep running around the circle of my head…

Another worry of mine is that I’m starting to feel a little cold with the prince. I dunno why. He asked about it the other night, I said I’m not because I wasn’t feeling that way during that time or maybe because I was too sleepy, whatever the reason is, I’m starting to feel it now…. I think it’s because of the fact that I feel like we’re stuck. Physically, in this room and relationship wise we’re just not growing. But I ain’t giving up, I’m not gonna be screwed around by my coldness no more that I’ll end up messing around.

I heard Lindsay Lohan said before that "if you have to work to make the relationship work, you have to get out of it." I highly disagree, those kind of people who thinks that way uses that philosophy as an excuse for their being a biatch… just like you-know-who…. That’s bullshit…. Remember love, trust and compromise? Well, what I’m gonna do to make things work between the two of us… First, let him know about the problem, not gonna disclose it with you cause it ain’t your business but it is his and mine since we’re together,… Second, we’re gonna get out of this freaking house. Gonna let him into my circle, and how wish I wouldn’t have to do it but if it has to be done then I’m gonna go enter his….

Gonna do that next month… or maybe the next time we see each other…. I still feel that I love him… and I know that he loves me more than i love him and his feelings for me is stronger than before, and I wouldn’t wanna hurt his feelings….

Wah… I hope things work… by the way he’s starting to read this, but I don’t care… read all you want wahehehe…..

Mental Status: bewildered…
Libido Meter: I can’t feel my…
Emo Level: jaded……
Quote: “Revenge is a meal best served cold”
Voca worda: mete– a boundary or limit

a trip, a ride and a rumor....

Busy….busy…busy… that’s how I’ve been for awhile…. That’s why forgive me if I have to round up, once again, everything that transpired this fateful week of the love month….

Wednesday…
Haha!!! I won!!! Not yet eliminated baby!!! I was aggravated by that Leif biatch to commit silly mistakes on the table… I hated that biatch the moment I laid eyes on her… c’mon with a face like that who’ll dare to go out of their house? not to mention her neither average nor genius state of intellect…. Man, she’s got the whole package… for a loser….
I saw The Phantom of the Opera this day.. made a review of it….. terribly disappointed…. But I still love that song… “all I ask of you”… just hearing that song makes me quiver to the very tip of my bones…..

Thursday….
Nothing especial occurred except the prince called after 3 days of no oral communication… he didn’t want me to go.. but he do realize the need for me to leave….

Friday....
Slept at my parent’s house…. woke up at 4…. Our flight was schedule at 6, we traveled via Victory Liner and man, it is quite expensive…. It took us 6 grueling hours to get to the place…. We had to take a jeepney then a tricycle after getting off the bus… the house was like near the border of Baguio… it was way too far already….

As I expected, it was boring…. No PC, No TV allowed, absolutely no form of entertainment except live gambling sprees… plus, I have to be very careful, I’m not superstitious but I’d rather be cautious than heedless…. I had to socialize with my relatives which is okay… it’s been awhile…. After some petty diversions from the devastating monotony that surrounds the green pastures of my province… I decided to leave… good thing that after a little disapproval from my mom she did gave in to my demand to be released to the civilization…. Freed from the tedium of that place…..

Saturday…
I left at 6:30 or so… and experienced one of the most astonishing things ever….

I rode a motorcycle…. Corny for some yah, but I’ve always been scared of that bicycle.. out of all the land transpo present in this lifetime… motorcycles can be considered the most dangerous… it leaves all your body vulnerable to all sort of injury, except your head if you’re wearing a helmet but that doesn’t mean it will be spared for certain. It was such a thrill for me… the rush is awesome… what took us more than an hours t travel after we left the bus, only took about 20 minutes via motorcycle…. It was so cool… I was wearing no helmet during that time that’s why my hair went all over the place, plus, the breeze was so freakin’ cold, if I’m not wearin’ a jacket I would have frozen waheheh…. Even though I practically just hop in and didn’t do the driving… the fun, coolness and the rush were all there… what an experience! Wouldn’t mind doing it again…

I reached manila by 11:30, the bus needed to make some crazy turns so I reached the terminal itself by 1230 or so. I arrived exactly on time for my reason of leaving (well, at least that’s my excuse to my parents and relatives).. my rhetoric class…. That was monologue day… didn’t have time to write so I just did an impromptu shit…. Didn’t go as well as I planned but it was alright ….

Went straight home since I expected the prince to call and drop by… he arrived at about 530, expecting me to be all dressed up and shit for lovah palooza.. I understandably wasn’t feeling oh so perfectly well that day… kinda had a buslog but I still went along… he was creating some scene already inside this little room of mine… but just right after I saw Brennan finally axed in PPS…. He has the guts to sing one of my fave A. Keys tunez.. the nerve!!!!

WE went outta here by 730 and because of the taxing traffic… we arrived at 9. There were so many people…. Saw two ordinary acts courtesy of Janine “who is she?” Desiderio and Anna “not-that-great-of-a-live-performer” Fegi…. We attempted to rent bikes but we were denied twice cuz the morons can’t understand that my ID is still valid and just because my student umber starts with 2003, it doesn’;t mean it’s only valid for that year… what idiots!!!! So we end up wandering around the grounds of Roxas Boulevard until we finally decided to just eat and after which we headed home…

Sunday….
Just stayed home…. Both of us I mean…. And since we’re kinda getting near to the you know what stage…. I promised I ain’t touching him again, if you know what I mean… at least for awhile…
We also saw White chicks today… it was funny enough… I don’t know bout me and the literal toilet humor…. I just go gaga over those…..

Monday…..
Woke up early, as usual, he was sleeping the entire time I was preparing for school and only woke up when I was almost ready to leave… we kissed and went out of the house…

In school, I heard one of the best lines to ever come out of a professor’s mouth…. “you make me sick” wahahahahahaha!!!!! That was staggering! Waheheheehe…. On a serious note, I found out that Eniarol’s dad had a heart attack, I ain’t sure if he’s alright now… hope he gets better…. I saw her cry… ahhhh…. Wanna comfort her but people might put some color into it so I chose not to….

I also saw Man on fire… Denzel and Dakota… what talents!

Oh, before I forget, when I went to our house, my sister told me that Tibo told her that she have two brothers now…. Because I have a boyfriend!!!!!!! You see, he saw the prince yesterday cuz he opened the door when we arrived home and knows that he slept here…. What a friggin’ asshole!!!! HE got the balls to spread rumors, though it is true, he has no right to spread it out, just because he’s a useless bastard doesn’t give him the ticket to spoil and meddle with other people’s businesses. I should have told my sister to tell him “Ulol! Inutil ka na nga tsismoso ka pa” that will hit me just right! But I’m not like that… in fact, even if my great aunt asked a thousand bucks for me the same moment I found out about the gossip, I gladly gave it… I know that if the rumors reach my aunts, I can easily deny it…. They’re just not ready yet for something like this… even if I explain it to them they won’t understand me and how this whole thing works… I sure am glad there’s no violent reaction coming from my dad…. A burden has been lifted off my chest….

but still, i'm tired of rumors starting i'm sick of being followed.. i'm tired of people lying saying what they want about me, why can't they back off of me? why can't they let me live? i'm gonna do it my way... wahehehe.. dunno the rest fo it...

Tuesday….
Went to Gian’s place after class to watch Sideways cuz it ain’t playing on my PC… I’m still writing my review but I’ll be posting it… all I can say is that it was funny… Nothing mucn interesting happened, except Tibo didn’t leave the house and just stayed in the house… ha! What a worthless asshole…. Couldn’t wait to see them all craving for food again….ha!

Mental Status: psyched
Libido Meter: up, up and away…….
Emo Level: mixed…..
Quote: "you make me sick”
Voca worda: furor– a great widespread outburst of enthusiasm, fury…

3 days of lovin'......

A week passed by and so many things happened. Dunno how I can possibly disclose everything without being so pompous… but then again, that’s one of my ingenious traits….

Wednesday….
Losing sucks…. But what sucks even more is the fact that I lost by default… stupid tardiness… grrrr… man, I do hope I don’t lose any more games. My goal used to be to reach at least top 3, but at the moment, top 5 will do.
I saw A Very Long Engagement, kinda disappointed, it was no Amelie….

Thursday…
Did fine in the mid-terms (crossing thy fingers), made a stupid choice with the CDs I rented… signs of an incoming sickness started to surface….

Friday…
Started to feel really unwell… suffered 30 minutes of excruciating trash talk from the original big fat obnoxious (not to mention self-absorb and arrogant) professor.
Body gave in after arriving home, tried to relax… almost had a fight on the phone with the prince and slept at exactly 9pm.

Saturday….
Still feeling a lot under the weather… lungs and throat felt like melting… tried my best to go to school especially since Eniarol asked me for help so I brought along some utilizable materials for the monologues…. After 3 minutes of travel learned that the class was cancelled, walked back home and played with my little sister to sleep…
I woke up at exactly 230, ate lunch and found out that the prince is waiting for me at SM, I hurried back home, expecting that he’ll give me a ring when I don’t show up, and he sure did, told him to just drop by and he arrived an hour later. I started to feel oh so better….
Saw PPS (pest you Brennan!!!), and during that time, an unexpected company came into sight, Leinna. Prince was quiet the entire time, didn’t really felt like telling him what’s up with the guest. Maybe I will if he ask about him, I doubt he ever will…. Leinna left, we had dinner by candlelight (no shit, cuz there was a fire-related incident, we had to turn off the lights cuz the Meralco people came by). Watched the punisher together, Thomas Jane is hot, but needs a lot of work… I mean an awful lot!!! And before I forget, received a call from home, my grandma (mom’s mom) died. I felt nothing…. But guilt… cuz I really felt nothing towards what transpired… I worried ‘bout my mom, how she’s dealing with it… I feel a little bad cuz I haven’t seen my grandma in months and my mom’s kinda not having ample time to visit them as well cuz of all the work she does at home… I’m so not the best grandson in this world, rumor has it that I may need to go to Pangasinan cuz it’s where she died and where the body’s supposed to be laid to rest, I felt really bad when I thought that “why does she have to die in the province, why can’t she just die here so there’ll be no apparent need for me to go to the province…” bad riddler…bad!!!!
I also received a text message from Eniarol saying that she’s fond of me…. And she appreciates me…. Translation---- she likes me, I dunno what kind of like that is and to what extent but I sure am glad and more confuse at the moment….

Sunday….
Spend the entire time doing everything together (excluding BATH). We saw this rerun of Survivor Amazon and I was trying to hold back my tears when this really touching scene came, but then I look at him and he was sobbing… waheheh… glad to know that I’m not the only crybaby in this relationship… wahehehe…. Prepared myself to say farewell when dusk came but I asked him to stay again for the night… and he agreed! I was so friggin’ happy. I dunno, I’m just so friggin’ lenient and natural when I am with him… though I’m a little less tactless but that is a good thing…. I love what we have together… I’m very happy and satisfied… that I can’t really put it in exact words… that’s another reason why going for Eniarol is suicide… what I have with the prince right now is seemingly perfect and taking place, but with her, I have no assurance whatsoever that she really does have feelings for me, or if she’ll ever have any…. and in case you’re wondering cuz I know you are, nothing happened…. At least not in the context of what you are thinking of…

Monday….
We woke up at 4:45; cuddle a little, prepared for school, and never felt so married in my entire life. I mean really. I remember telling him that last time, that we can so like live together…. We enjoy being indolent, spending the entire day talking and watching TV… that’s one thing I love about him, he never cares and always enjoy whatever we do as long as he does it with me… how sweet… we bid farewell, we might see each other next week or we may not cuz of my busy sked… only time will tell…

Tuesday…
It’s final or it may not be, I really dunno, I may go to the province on Thursday, and go home Saturday. If you’ll ask me, I don’t wanna go, I hate the province… totally not fit for riddler… the only thing I enjoy out there is the air, besides that, I can barely endure the rubbish rural life…. god, I’m so mean, I’m subjecting myself to scrutiny, as always… nobody does it better… waheheh…

Finally, remember how I asked you how far my P500 will go? Well, it lasted for a week, with a remaining change of----- P240… king of penny-pinching? A HA!

Mental Status: crazy….. in love???? O oh o oh o oh o no no!
Libido Meter: tranquil…
Emo Level: guilty…..
Quote: "you’re like a scar to me, ugly but permanent” - Grace to Will
Voca worda: ardor – emotional warmth; passion; eagerness

lavah palooza....

I was in heaven….. well, almost….. wahehehe

This weekend passed by as fast as the bills came in, and speaking of bills, it’s the perfect segway to tell yah that last Friday, after a hard day’s work at school, I came home and found out that our electricity was cut off, yup naputulan kami!!!! My intial reaction? What the fuck?! I pay my bills!!!! You see, this is how it works in this house, I pay half of the Meralco bill and the whole phone bill. Every month I give them half of the sum, this month, it totaled 2,000+ and so I gave them a 1,000+. I dunno what the fuck they did with the money I gave them, but one thing I am sure of is that they’d better find a way to get the electricity back…. And they sure did after almost an hour….

One thing I learned though from this experience, my world seemingly stopped after our electricity was shutdown. It’s weird. When I go to sleep, the lights are off and so is the fan that’s why I don’t consider myself reliant to electricity but I realized how could I possibly use this PC if there’s no electricity. My life is all about, PC, TV, VCDs, and DVDs. I rarely go out of this house. I can withstand the heat, but not the ennui. Can you?

And what made that experience suck more, was that prince and I have plans that he’ll sleepover since it’s our monthsarry. It’ll be the first time so I was really looking forward to that. So I was really scared that I would have to cancel our plans and redesign. I’m really routing for the overnight, it may lead to something you know… wahehe…

Eventually, the initial plan pushed through. After my first and only class that Saturday, I went to SM, met some of the Bobongers first. I felt really bad that I wasn’t able to join them that day especially since Hani rarely comes to visit. I’m really sorry guys, wish ‘twas scheduled on a different day I would have not missed it. I miss you all. Anyways, after I said hi, I waited for the prince and man was I pissed. He was 45 minutes late. One thing I hate most---- is waiting. I despise people who always come late, because I’m one of those people. However, I am proud to say that I’m starting to change (yes, I am so fuck up!). For a while, I gave him a cold shoulder. I have to so he’ll learn his lesson; he never comes in time, except for that one time when he thought my class ends two hours earlier. After all the drama we went straight to our house.

Almost the entire time we were here, all we did was cuddle each other. Kisses came as fast as text messages to the Globe network. Our only break was eating, PPS (Pinoy Pop Superstar, curse you Brennan!!!) and sleeping. All the time between those was spent petting. I guess some of you are wondering if we took it to the next level, hmm… let’s just say we’re gradually moving forward and he ain’t shying away as much. That’s all you’ll get from me…. Wahehehe

He spent 28 hours in the house. How I wish he stayed longer. Can’t get enough of him, I dunno why… but there’s something about him, everytime we’re together I feel so friggin’ special. I have no idea how he does it. Ha… we’ve been together for a month and 3 days now.. no break up calls yet so I guess, he’s not like the one we do not speak of.

Speaking of the one we do not speak of, something weird happened last Saturday when the prince was here. He texted me. I was shocked! I mean, I honestly haven’t thought about him for a week now and I haven’t heard from him for years (about 2 or 3 weeks) and suddenly, out of nowhere, he messaged me. The prince saw it; felt that he was jealous, I was afraid that he’d think I am cheating on him cuz I’m definitely not. The thought of being accused of cheating when I am so not is just too deplorable for me. So I let him do the texting, I dunno exactly what he said but it was funny. And the one we do not speak of kept on texting back. I am just so frigging wondering why of all the days and the time in this frigging fucked up world he had to message me on that fateful day! I thought Fate was a friend of mine… waheheheh

This is weird, honestly I don’t wanna talk about her no more cuz the paparazzi’s been feeding on this shit, but I can’t help myself, I’m just so addicted to her. wah… I gotta stop myself from whining about her. There’s no point!!!! Wake up little riddler wake up!!!!! There are things in this world that aren’t meant for you, and for me, that will be her! So cut myself no slack and move it!

I’ll end this entry by requesting you to visit my other blog and watch the last one I reviewed. It’s Magnifico and it’s just friggin’ brilliant! I cried incessantly for the last 30 minutes of it. Hai, I still have a hangover from all the lavah palooza last weekend. Need to get it out from my system. Man, I’m broke…. How far can P500 reach? The countdown starts today….

Mental Status: stupor
Libido Meter: regenerated
Emo Level: torn between two lovers…
Quote: "O buhay, walang katapusang dusa" (Life… a never ending misery) ---Lorna Tolentino in Magnifico
Voca worda: thaumaturgy – the supposed working of miracle or magic